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I've been seeing questions on this forum and other social networks around the net that all ask the same question and the answer always amounts to "how much risk tolerance do you have? Because if you want to win, that's what it will take."
The question always boils down to some long-winded rendition of "Should I ____? I'm scared."
The problem with these questions is they're hardly ever asked in order to receive advice. The asker always is hoping to get validation for the decision that's already been made, which is typically the exact opposite of the question being asked.
It always plays out like this:
Even those of us who are 90%+ on the ball and succeeding will battle this question even after they've found success where they can emotionally tolerate more risk, because the stakes keep getting higher.
So what's going on here when even the bossiest of bosses runs this routine in their head sometimes?
Very few people ever play to win when there's real stakes.
There's only three options:
None of us fall into the "don't play at all" camp and nearly everyone we know does, so there's no need to talk about it.
Playing Not To Lose
But "Playing Not To Lose," what does that look like? The chief goal is to attempt to make gains without risking any of the current progress. People (guilty as charged a lot of times) may be ready to scale harder but don't put the systems in place because it'll raise expenses and reduce profit and remove control, so they double down in the trenches. Or they only halfway commit.
It's core activity is to calculate risks and weasel around, eliminating options, until they're choosing only from a selection of moves that guarantee NOT losing any progress. The only problem with this is time is limited and you're robbing yourself of the possibility to hit it big while it's still worth doing. You're exchanging a real shot at your true goals with a promise of not returning back to where you were, the situation that sucked so bad it set you on this journey.
The reality is you're capable of climbing out of the pit, or you wouldn't be in a situation to Play Not To Lose. So that fear based reasoning is invalid from the start. But another part has to do with self-esteem and where self-esteem is derived from. If your esteem comes from an external locus, then you value maintaining your perceived social value and status from your friends and family and strangers more than you do your own freedom. And the punishment for sliding backwards from trying weighs more than the reward for trying and failing or trying and winning. You're more concerned with keeping up with the Joneses and flaunting a lifestyle than you are with ultimately achieving your goal.
Playing To Win
Playing To Win is balls to the wall. It's not throwing caution to the wind, but it's not being a giant pussy about risk. It's understanding that it's irresponsible to not pursue progress for yourself and the positive influence you can command for those around you once you achieve it. It's delaying gratification and staying in this uncomfortable spot a little longer to position yourself for the bigger win. It's accepting that the road to glory involves two steps back sometimes and marking that off the list of things not to do, or to do it smarter next time.
The core activity isn't to throw punishment and reward on the scales of justice and desire, it's not even to measure risk and reward. We're not stupid, we'll safeguard ourselves as much as we can to reduce risk. The goal is to pursue reward, period.
When you're doing this, you don't need every detail mapped out because you don't need an assurance that you're shielded from failure and guaranteed a tiny incremental gain. You're going for the big wins on the accelerated path to victory.
You're also deriving your self-worth from an internal locus, one based on your attempts, discipline, courage, and victory. But what you don't do is fear and beat yourself up about failing, because as all of the greats have told us, you're going to fail. And that's a step in and towards success. It's a part of the game and the faster you iterate through it, the sooner you get a bird's eye view road map of where you're going.
That road map has 1000 twists, turns, detours, and most importantly options. And that's why you see some people seem to never fail, because they have the confidence to get out there and improvise. If at every moment you're looking at your options and choosing the best of each one and going for it without hesitation, it is impossible to stay stuck in the mud or to find yourself back in it. You might go backwards on a deal or two, but you'll never fall completely, because the best deal never asks you to risk it all.
And that's where the "Playing Not To Lose" people get goofed up. They think in catastrophic terms like that, where the slightest misstep is equivocated to the apocalypse, loss of income, loss of respect, loss of spouse and friends, etc.. No wonder they never give it a real shot.
Think of it like startups. They will blow millions upon millions of (someone else's) dollars and never see profit. But what they've done is create a cash flow monstrosity. Stop spending for one month and suddenly you've put a huge pillow in your checking account. So yeah, we all want to be saving money and watching our banking account numbers rise, but what we really should be doing is reinvesting heavily beyond what we need to cover bare necessities in order to create a huge cashflow.
Because at the end of the day, the valuation is based on the cash flow, and that big liquidation event is going to add up to infinitely more than the little bit you kept skimming off the top to "feel safe and secure" which stifled your growth.
The big dogs who hit the big time play to win, period. They aren't looking for "enough to get by" or enough to compare to their homies, or enough to feel secure. There's no such thing as security. No amount of cash can protect you from some of the things that can end it all tomorrow. So the goal needs to be striking it huge ASAP so you can be young and healthy and alive to enjoy it and share it.
_____________
I typed that totally on the stream of consciousness. Can anyone add any insight into what we should watch out for in our own thinking and actions, or any stories that might drive the point home? Any times you really went for it and flopped or it paid off? Even if it flopped, you're still around going for it, thus proving the point that it's not the end of the world. Just another chance to saddle up.
The question always boils down to some long-winded rendition of "Should I ____? I'm scared."
The problem with these questions is they're hardly ever asked in order to receive advice. The asker always is hoping to get validation for the decision that's already been made, which is typically the exact opposite of the question being asked.
It always plays out like this:
- Questioner: Should I ____?
- Questioner: Here's the reasons I haven't.
- Answerer: Yes, you should if you're serious about this.
- Questioner: But here's why I'm totally justified in not doing it.
- Answerer: Then why did you ask?
Even those of us who are 90%+ on the ball and succeeding will battle this question even after they've found success where they can emotionally tolerate more risk, because the stakes keep getting higher.
So what's going on here when even the bossiest of bosses runs this routine in their head sometimes?
Very few people ever play to win when there's real stakes.
There's only three options:
- Don't play at all
- Playing not to lose
- Playing to win
None of us fall into the "don't play at all" camp and nearly everyone we know does, so there's no need to talk about it.
Playing Not To Lose
But "Playing Not To Lose," what does that look like? The chief goal is to attempt to make gains without risking any of the current progress. People (guilty as charged a lot of times) may be ready to scale harder but don't put the systems in place because it'll raise expenses and reduce profit and remove control, so they double down in the trenches. Or they only halfway commit.
It's core activity is to calculate risks and weasel around, eliminating options, until they're choosing only from a selection of moves that guarantee NOT losing any progress. The only problem with this is time is limited and you're robbing yourself of the possibility to hit it big while it's still worth doing. You're exchanging a real shot at your true goals with a promise of not returning back to where you were, the situation that sucked so bad it set you on this journey.
The reality is you're capable of climbing out of the pit, or you wouldn't be in a situation to Play Not To Lose. So that fear based reasoning is invalid from the start. But another part has to do with self-esteem and where self-esteem is derived from. If your esteem comes from an external locus, then you value maintaining your perceived social value and status from your friends and family and strangers more than you do your own freedom. And the punishment for sliding backwards from trying weighs more than the reward for trying and failing or trying and winning. You're more concerned with keeping up with the Joneses and flaunting a lifestyle than you are with ultimately achieving your goal.
Playing To Win
Playing To Win is balls to the wall. It's not throwing caution to the wind, but it's not being a giant pussy about risk. It's understanding that it's irresponsible to not pursue progress for yourself and the positive influence you can command for those around you once you achieve it. It's delaying gratification and staying in this uncomfortable spot a little longer to position yourself for the bigger win. It's accepting that the road to glory involves two steps back sometimes and marking that off the list of things not to do, or to do it smarter next time.
The core activity isn't to throw punishment and reward on the scales of justice and desire, it's not even to measure risk and reward. We're not stupid, we'll safeguard ourselves as much as we can to reduce risk. The goal is to pursue reward, period.
When you're doing this, you don't need every detail mapped out because you don't need an assurance that you're shielded from failure and guaranteed a tiny incremental gain. You're going for the big wins on the accelerated path to victory.
You're also deriving your self-worth from an internal locus, one based on your attempts, discipline, courage, and victory. But what you don't do is fear and beat yourself up about failing, because as all of the greats have told us, you're going to fail. And that's a step in and towards success. It's a part of the game and the faster you iterate through it, the sooner you get a bird's eye view road map of where you're going.
That road map has 1000 twists, turns, detours, and most importantly options. And that's why you see some people seem to never fail, because they have the confidence to get out there and improvise. If at every moment you're looking at your options and choosing the best of each one and going for it without hesitation, it is impossible to stay stuck in the mud or to find yourself back in it. You might go backwards on a deal or two, but you'll never fall completely, because the best deal never asks you to risk it all.
And that's where the "Playing Not To Lose" people get goofed up. They think in catastrophic terms like that, where the slightest misstep is equivocated to the apocalypse, loss of income, loss of respect, loss of spouse and friends, etc.. No wonder they never give it a real shot.
Think of it like startups. They will blow millions upon millions of (someone else's) dollars and never see profit. But what they've done is create a cash flow monstrosity. Stop spending for one month and suddenly you've put a huge pillow in your checking account. So yeah, we all want to be saving money and watching our banking account numbers rise, but what we really should be doing is reinvesting heavily beyond what we need to cover bare necessities in order to create a huge cashflow.
Because at the end of the day, the valuation is based on the cash flow, and that big liquidation event is going to add up to infinitely more than the little bit you kept skimming off the top to "feel safe and secure" which stifled your growth.
The big dogs who hit the big time play to win, period. They aren't looking for "enough to get by" or enough to compare to their homies, or enough to feel secure. There's no such thing as security. No amount of cash can protect you from some of the things that can end it all tomorrow. So the goal needs to be striking it huge ASAP so you can be young and healthy and alive to enjoy it and share it.
_____________
I typed that totally on the stream of consciousness. Can anyone add any insight into what we should watch out for in our own thinking and actions, or any stories that might drive the point home? Any times you really went for it and flopped or it paid off? Even if it flopped, you're still around going for it, thus proving the point that it's not the end of the world. Just another chance to saddle up.
